Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
