You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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