just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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