Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
