if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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