Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this boner is exhausting
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
