All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
