I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
