Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
