i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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