Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I met the friendliest cop last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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