there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
