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Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
