there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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