3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
