I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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