Don't make out with my wife yet
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
