Swine flu. Run for my life!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
