So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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