Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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