Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
