So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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