He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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