How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She announced her abortion via fbk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
