my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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