Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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