She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
