Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
