so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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