help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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