dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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