he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
