This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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