Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
