there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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