Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
