I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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