Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
