***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
