he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
