I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
