i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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