Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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