3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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