I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
