I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How external is "for external use only"?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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