one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
