Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
