I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
