honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
