Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
