Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
