She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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