You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
