i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
