you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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