They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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Hippo gnu deer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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