Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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