Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
