my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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