I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
