you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
