The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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