My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
