I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I smell like Dick and happiness
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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