im six kinds of drunk right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
