Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
