got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
