can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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