Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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