so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
