So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
