remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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