no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
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Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS