SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality