i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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