My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
