I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.