Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?