white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
