Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ladies don't puke and tell
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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