fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
