Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
