Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
