Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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