I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
