Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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