dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
