3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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