I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize